11. Thou Shalt Not Mock Duke

I'm a Duke basketball fan. Needless to say, their loss to LSU in the NCAA tournament on Thursday night dampened my spirits. Despite their loss, the next day at school was "Wear Your Team's Shirt/Jersey/Whatever Day" to school and I sported a Duke t-shirt. I didn't know that this lame holiday was also called "Take It up the Ass and Listen to Endless Shit Talking Day."

Now it's fine if you are rooting for the "other" team or if you frankly do not like Duke, Coach K, or the awesomeness that is J.J. Redick; however, be warned that it is foolish and downright stupid to mock anyone's team when that person holds authority and power. Would you tell your boss that his kid's lazy eye is really distracting, or would you make fun of a police officer's favorite baseball team? Fuck no. Teachers are authority figures, too; don't fuck with what little power we have.

For every shit-talking comment that I heard from a student, that student was added to the shitlist. In the event of a school fire, I will not save these students. As their flesh scorches and sizzles inside a burning classroom, I will be outside showing students the art of making a 3-point shot courtesy of J.J. Redick. I abuse my power in other small ways as well:

"Mr. Substitute, can I go to the bathroom?"
"No, you may not." (Translation: "I heard you say in class that J.J. is a 'faggot.' Well you can pee your goddamn pants, you fucking anti-Duke asshole.")

"Can I get a drink of water, Mr. Substitute?"
"Not at this time." (Translation: "Aawww is your throat dry from your preachy Duke sucks propaganda? Well, karma's a bitch. Sit down, shut the fuck up, and watch me drink this delicious, ice cold bottled water.")

You might be thinking, "Way harsh, Tai." Well, you may be right, but my gross and excessive abuse of power knows no limits. All will rue the day that they talk shit about Duke.