Oooo Mr. Substitute, you're getting me all wet.

Most teachers hate it when students fall asleep in their classroom. They feel that it is an insult to their content as well as to the teacher. Fuck that. I look forward to sleeping students in my classroom. Why? I've mastered techniques to wake students up and to make sure that they never fall asleep in my classroom again; that is until I found out yesterday from an administrator that one such technique is not allowed.

I squirted a sleeping student in the face. Was the water scalding hot, soapy, or colored? No. Was the squirt gun a Super Soaker 2,000,000? Of course not. I'm not a total asshole; I merely sprayed a simple few squirts to the face. The water didn't wake him up as much as the laughter from everyone else in the classroom. At the time, the student seemed to enjoy it and he apologized for drifting off; however, he told a parent and the parent contacted an administrator. The administrator later told me that my prank "embarrassed the student" and "spraying a student with water doesn't foster a safe learning environment."

I guess pulling a party popper near a student's ear and popping a balloon near a student's face are out of the question as well...or are they? If you have other hilarious wake up techniques, please comment.