I'm Italian. It's an addiction.

In the middle of a busy day, I go to the teacher's lounge to make some copies. In the teacher's lounge, a table in the middle of the room holds food, which according to the Rule of Unabandoned Food, is up for grabs if it doesn't belong to anyone. I notice 2 steaming hot cheese pizzas. I immediatly grab a piece and begin to photocopy. Outside of the lounge, I notice a group of students looking into the lounge, specifically at the pizza. After a few minutes, a student tries to walk into the lounge to steal the pizza.

First of all, this kid pretended like he belonged in the room. Fuck that. The last time I checked, my school didn't hire fifteen-year-old kids with crustasches. Second of all, I forgot my lunch. This kid wasn't going to bogart my chances of a free meal.

I ask the student if he needs anything and he gets nervous. He immediatly leaves the room, lingering for one last look at the pizza. I grab another piece and eat the slice in plain view of the students outside of the teacher's lounge. To get back at the student who attempted to steal the pizza, I eat the slice so lovingly and slowly that I may have impregnated the pizza. The students give me the dirtiest looks and they judge.

A secretary notices me eating a piece and says, "You probably shouldn't eat that. Here's what happened." So let's Tarantino it...

At my school, it's illegal for students to order delivery food. The only people who can order food are teachers, administrators, and employees - not students. A group of students decided to order pizza anyway, which they picked up outside of the school and paid the delivery provider. Before the kids can savor the aroma, security confiscated the pizza and placed it in the teacher's lounge. The students outside of the teacher's lounge who were trying to steal pizza were simply trying to steal their pizza back.

Feeling guilty and empathic for the students, the secretary and I decide to give the ravenous students one of the pizzas, and we tell them to take it and run so they don't get caught with delivery food...again. Looking at the other pizza and deciding that the students learned their lesson, the secretary and I grab a piece. Free food is awesome.