Warning: This blog entry features...

Before class today, a female student dropped off her bookbag and left class. She never returned until after class. I didn't skip any classes in high school, but I always thought it was protocol to take all of your belongings with you. You know, like when you secure all loose articles on kickass roller coasters like Volcano: The Blast Coaster. Anyway, because the student's belongings were in class, I got a little nervous thinking about this missing student. After walking to the clinic to see if she was there, I called security to inform them to search for a missing student.

After class, the missing student appears and asks to speak with me privately. I'm dreading an awkward "female excuse," and of course, that's what I hear:

"Mr. Substitute, I had a really bad situation with my period right before class and I bled through my pants so I decided to quickly walk home to bleach my pants."

I bite my lip to hold back the laugher and cringe in horror at the same time. Gross. Now before you start to sympathize with this student, I must tell you that she is one of my worst slackers. She's a good person, but she's dumb as dirt and lazy. If you skipped a 100-minute class, wouldn't you have thought of this brilliant, masterpiece excuse? I would have, and I don't even bleed from a vajay-jay.