Stalk You Later

This is an old story to my friends, but it is one I never shared on this blog. I arrived at school early one morning a month ago to find a business envelope slid underneath my classroom door. I opened it and its contents included some grainy pictures of me intoxicated with a few friends. The pics were either obtained on a friend's Facebook site or on a friend's online photo collection. They did not feature me holding a bottle of liquor like these two idiots pictured left, but they noticeably featured a mildly incoherent Mr. Substitute. Whoever sent the pics left no note, and I still don't know why they even bothered to send them to me. I never heard from the anonymous picture provider again. I destroyed the pics and immediately e-mailed my friends to request the deletion of any party pictures that feature me.

If you're going to send someone uncompromising pictures, at least have fun with it. Why weren't the photos glossy black and white 8x10s like in a film noir? Where was a note written in creepy magazine letter cut-outs? Where were my threatening phone calls? I was disappointed. This perpetrator had no originality and must have been a first-time blackmailer who was uncertain about the second part of the process. So perpetrator - whoever you are - the next time you harass someone, please do so with a little bit more flair.