"Teach, you auditioning for American Idol?"

One of the worst parts of being a high school teacher is that you have to experience some of the disheartening realities of high school all over again. One of these realities is that anyone and everyone is partially judged by their appearance and behavior. Make no mistake that teachers are judged by students just as much as students judge one another. Earlier in the year, I ate veggie pork and beans during lunch. Big mistake. Fortunately for me, I blamed it on my class of freshmen, which some sophomores believed. Others were hip to my game. Another teacher in my department got a pimple near the corner of her mouth, and I felt bad for her. Comments about her after school activities started to spread (no pun intended) all over the school.

I have the fortune to have a shaved head. I get judged daily by someone with a supposed witty allusion. Each student thinks s/he will be the next charming Conan O'Brien when s/he is really the next lame Jay Leno. Also, each new celebrity who shaves his or her head revitalizes the game of who can find the most obscure bald reference. You name it; I've heard it: Britney; Chris Daughtry; Natalie Portman (from V for Vendetta); Moby; Howie Mandell; and my all-time favorite, Mr. Clean.

I comeback with an allusion to what I believe will be their future places of business in life. Unfortunately for my students and fortunately for me, my allusions are completely lost on them. They're never quite sure how to respond to this comeback: "How's your day going, McDonald's?"