"My name is Mr. Substitute, and..."

My students know that one of my foolish and silly ambitions is to be a contestant on MTV's dating shows, Next. For those who do not know the show, a "selecter" has a bus full of "selectees" to take on various outings in Southern California. The selecter dates as little or as many of the other contestants. If the selecter doesn't like a selectee, s/he can say, "Next!" and a new selectee will emerge from the bus. For each minute that the selectee lasts with the selecter, the selectee will receive $1. The selectee who wins has the choice of selecting another date with the selecter or to keep the money. Unfortunately, there is a special class of contestants who are immediatly repulsed by others and some selectees have the distinct honor of being "instantly nexted." These people earn a whopping $1 and a lifetime of embarassment for being rejected on national television.

Before someone can be instantly nexted, a selectee is given the opportunity to deliver a corny one-liner, demonstrating one's desperation to be on television. As a writing activity today, I asked students to write a one-liner either for themselves or me if we were contestants on the show. The winning one-liner goes to Charlie, who wrote this line for me: "My name is Mr. Substitute, and I'm going to give this girl some extra credit."