Teacher by Day. Rock Star by Night.

Recently, students have been attempting to copy each other's classwork in order to avoid doing it themselves. Their recent "teamwork" endeavors inspired me to come up with a scheme that only could have come from a Full House episode.

At an appropriate point in the day, I asked the students, "Do you guys want to hear my band?" I grabbed a CD and popped it in the boombox. I came up with this long and grandiose story that my true passion is music and I teach as a side gig. I convinced the class that I'm the lead singer for a pop-punk band called Hit the Lights. I played the song "Three Oh Nine," but the students were skeptical. They're no dummies, even if they are in summer school. "Is this really you? No way!" I stepped it up a notch and sang along to the song, attempting to match my voice to the lead singer's. It worked; the kids are floored. "When you make it to MTV, will you remember us?" "What other instruments do you play?" "Oh my god! What's this song about? It's so good."

I smirk and take it all in before I destroy their fantasies of a summer school teacher who moonlights as a rock star. I tell them the truth and explain, "Did you feel betrayed or angry that you were tricked?" Heads nod. "That's how I feel when you try to turn in work that isn't yours. If you won't lie to me, I won't lie to you. Do your own work." For the rest of the day, I couldn't get the cheesy Full House-you've-just-learned-a-lesson music out of my head. Eat your heart out, Danny Tanner.

Teacher by Day. Dahmer by Night.

A student brought in a song that discusses the issues of racism that immigrants face today. The song spurred an hour-long debate on racism, featuring anecdotes, poignant comments, and my favorite intro to any comment: "I don't mean to be racist, but [insert a racist comment here.]"

One of my favorite comments came from my honest, no-holds-barred female black student. She said, "At least black people and other minorities will tell you if they're mad at you to your face. White people will do scary stuff like cut you up and eat you."

Later in the day, the students' noise level reached an all-time high. I shut off the lights and told the students, "You heard ______'s comment earlier. You don't want to make me angry. I might cut you up and eat you."

Tales from Summer School

A recent test question: "What is a simile? Write an example of one."

One female student's response: "A simile is comparing two things to make something sound better than it really is using like or as. Example: Mr. Substitute is [as] cute as a button."

Thanks, E.G. According to her, being compared to a button is better than what I really am.